very lethargic now..... my brain juice is being used up....... its hopeless ferr me now....my teachers even asked if i wanna to change to 5 yr course..... haiz...... jst cus i did not do well for my maths??? i cmi ferr my expectations...... there goes all myAs...... so tired... so tired......physically, mentally and emotionally worn-out......
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
haix..... wait a minute.....do i even have the right to sigh? y problems jst cum 1 aft another?do i deserve it? its tearin me apart gradually......
Firstly is myself...... 1.Studies Studies is deteoriating day by day........ i cant even focus in doing well 4 my examinations..... I go stm more and more lerhs.i am less efficent than i use to be by a hundred times..... i still have so many question marks in my mind...... can i even meet my expectations? can i even make it for my Os?
2.Health Health is oso deteoriating day by day..... my imunnity is weakening, prone to infections and virus.....thats y i ve been gettin prolonged fever and faints recently.....i am so sick and tired of those medications, needles,bandages and check ups..... when will all this stop and come to an end? e doc even told me hey lil gal its time for u to prepare for e worst....so try to ur tings asap b4 u cant....wad a nice advice e doc gave...... am i a hopeless case?i dun even dare to tell any1,fear of being a burden....
3.Relationship I am jst gettin in2 quarrels evday.....regardless my parents, friends, teachers or even my love..... e more i try to cheer them up, the more they get frustrated....we jst have to quarrel ...it almost seems to be part of my daily routine..... i really dont want to quarrel.... but what can i do? i am so insignificant.....my words of encouragement may jst turn in2 words of hurt ..... i really wonder... do i even have e right to say i love/ im loved? all i ever do is QUARREL and end of story.....i tried to improve it but it jsty gt worser each day.....
4.Uncle Eric Uncle eric is so nice to my family..... whenever our family is in chaos.....his family will giv their utmost best to help out....but now..... i cant even help him...all i can do is sit there and watch how he and his family suffer...now his situation is worsening... e doc say he has contracted undetectable infections..... even if he pass away, they cant issue a deat cert...its like....... I REALLY FEEL LIKE KILLING THE DOCTORS!!~~ they say if he goes for e opt he may be better bt chances is only 15 %..... y is it always so cruel...... uncle eric and his family is such a nice family.... bt y mus tis happen to them.. oh god i really cry out to u.... pls help tis family..strengthen them....help them thru tis critical period...... heal him by ur strips tis family has really blessed us alot....i pray that u will console auntie lai choo and alvin.... May u look aft them n encourage them......
* Life Is not To Be Underestimated...... U Never Know Whats Installed For U The Next Sec*
tatatata!!!~~~ hmms....jst finish e maths paper.... dead lerhs x.x i 4gt hw to draw bisectors...... fever is still ongoin.....bt life gotta get on s per normal..... hmms....laogong jys in ur e maths n chem paper o.... so sad-ed..... uncle eric is in critical situation now....... i really hope that god will be merciful on uncle eric..... and that alvin and his mum will not be so demoralised..... u all my stick on to ur faith......
ltr at 1pm gonna go back to sch ferr full geo paper...woohoos..... phy geo....... wid all e theories x.x gan ba te ne......c0s u nvr knw whr u wud be e nxt sec.......
tts all.....aft geo paper maybe then post agn ba......talkin here like talkin to myself lidat.....
Monday, April 28, 2008
sick agn......i m v pathetic rite? hah......always so sick so weak.........lidat hw to continue life wor...... so sick n tired...idk wad to do lerhs....
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
im confused now.....hahah.....guess i should just stay single 1st barhs...... im not OLD enuff to get into e well of love...... to all those who love me, i am really sorry.....but can we be friends first?? im not ready to get into the "well" yet...
~.~
Monday, April 21, 2008
today sick sick sick again............LOL!!~~~ x.x Was TEMPORARILY paralysed...=.= went to see Mr good DOCTOR and say lack of dunno wad vitamins.....gt so many@_@ a to z de vitamins..... haix......
Firstly is marmie... sadden my marmie today...... she see me lidat, hart broken....it really hurts to make her wry....
Next is sky..... Kp sayin all my fault..... aiyo...... my xiaozhuzhu dun blame urself le larhs.....i sick oso my fault...not urs...tian sheng de......cnt bully our xiao ke ai o....if nt i whack u 1st
Thirdly is Edi..... Thx ferr ur encouragement...im okay....wont die so easily de.....so no worries derh.....The only thing u can do is to try ur best to make urself happy..... =DD smile more n e world will be beta ^^And FYI I EAT VEGGIES DEits just that i dont eat so much red meat, esp raw ones cos got gastric problems....MOST IMPORTANTLY,DUN SPANK ME!~
Fourthly is Kit.... Thx kit kat.......thx ferr helpin n pei-ing me...... jys in ur Os too....buck up....wooohooss
*.*
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Life is so complicated.....and now its chaotic...... wo hen luan ahhhhhhhh........ i quitted audi-ing le....is it a gd thing or bad thing? idk too...... its not that the guild is not good or whatever.... the problem lies with me.......to all those who i ve sadden or hurt u....pls 4give........
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Y did u choose to give up on me? y did u choose not to trust me? y did u leave me? do u really think ill be happier that way? the answer is NO.......
Since the moment u decided to leave me , my heart is completely dead.....I Gave u my evting but u choose to handle it this way.....u chose to crush my faith in u.... u say 4eva but i tink is nvr now...u say u will pei me bt i tink is leave me ba..... u say u r fei wu den i guess wo lian fei wu dou bu ru ba.... nt that i dont wanna forgive but now im numb-edd... i d0n really feel anything anymore.... i dont know why......after cryin yst in e bathrm.......... i couldnt feel anything anymore....
Im no longer myself i guess..... My "xin fu " is ovr...just like fairy tales.....but thanks for making me happy once....ill keep it in my memory to indulge in it once more....but this time round u r no longer there thou..... take cares
Sick ~.~
Friday, April 18, 2008
haix......sick again..............go school kanna chase back to see doctor.......... haix........i want go sch cher oso dun allow me.....so sad T_T I WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!~~~ RAWR
What Am I?
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Happy Yet Sad.....
So Happy:
That We Cleared All The Commotions And Settled Evting Le =DD We Are Back Tgt Agn
Sad:
Before U Go Out, U Were Still Okay ,So Happy..... But After Awhile Then U Tell Me "Im not going le..today i not gonna eat liao..sry i nvr tc of u..help me by takin care of urself ok..dun let urself get hurt" do u knw this statement of urs.....really hurts me alot? does tis means tt u r goin to throw me aside? u say u were my guardian angel who will take care of me foreva nt lettin me gt hurt.... is that a promise that is broken too?
I try all ways to find u but u chose to disappear n hide from me.....after 2 hrs u appear...im hapi bt wad u say...... left me so broken..."i v sad u know....nvm...dun need worry le...mei shi.." i start wondering now what am i to u? u ask me how much i trust u....now i should ask u tis instead.... u said we will share our evting tgt...bt now u refuse to..... do u know seeing u lidat make me feel even worse?
AM I A FAILURE? USELESS?JUNK? y do ppl arnd me always accomodate to me.... tryin to make me happy but....when they r dwn....i cant do anyting bt see them suffer alone..... what am i???? who am i????? i rather love than be loved..... ppl hu love me always get hurt...... idk y.....mayb cus im jus so useless?? what can i do now? i really wanna help u share ur burden but u dun allow me to do so.......now all i can do is to cry............hah useless crybaby......cant help bt cry..... i guess im e baka..... shagua zhen de shi wo.........tain xia zui sha de sha gua......so naive...to think she cn really make sum1 happy...... hahah.....cn i even laugh now? i cant? y cant i?
Ever since u were sad, i have alr forgotten how to smile n cry...... i dun even knw what is cry n smile......i only know.....im e prick of a rose... a thorn of a durian..... a sharp needle..... i hurt i hurt I REALLY HURT........STAY AWAY FROM ME IF U DONT WANT TO BE HURT!!~~~ LEAVE ME ALONE!!!~~~~ JUST LET ME FADE AWAY~~~~~ like the cloud in e sky.....slowly slowly slowly fading away~~~~~
to some1
if u r readin this then u should know what is my answer to ur qns alr =DD take cares....
What Is Life About??!! o.o
U know sth? i learnt a new thing again...... Thou life is never smooth and u cannot control what happens... but.... u can control which way r u gonna use to face it..... are u gonna be a coward.....jus sit back n let evting happen....afterwhich....u find a corner and cry ur heart out and regret about it....and indulge in ur own world? or r u gonna say " hey come on! this is a new challenge for me...wohoo.... time to train my endurance...im gonna make sure i will be victorous after it......." and try all ur best to overcome it with a positive mind n smile? which 1 would u choose? well for me....hmmm i m still thinkin abt it...... a survivor? or a coward....hmmm...haha...u can say im crazy but u cannot deny this fact.... so think about it....
remember this: LIFE CANNOT BE CONTROL BY US....BUT HOW UR LIFE IS LEAD IS IN OUR HANDS.....WE CANNOT RUN AWAY FROM THOSE BAD HAPPENINGS BUT U CAN TRY TO OVERCOME IT.....so jys in conquering those obstacles in ur life... i will tmb too =DD
What Can I Do?
You told me that you will be there with me forever.....But now...... Is your "forever" so short? Isit? I ask you yst whether u r willing to be my other self....u say "consider....but now is not the right time to say all this...Maybe we dont understand ea other well ba.....we knw each other not for long..." Do u really mean it? So what u "promised" me are just lies?? Isit? U even suspected if i ever trusted u.....Did i really give u so much insecurity?did i?
Do U knw u r v cold to me? Do u knw hw it feels?I really dont wanna quarrel with u.....do u know that? You say u d0n wanna quarrel but u still did..... i tried to stop it n u say i ignored u......what do u wan me to do?? im really tearin apart........心如刀割，似乎被千千万万只针弄碎。。。。
U ask me to give u an ans before 3pm and now u ask me to give an ans befor 1245.... what can i say? what can i do? i rally donno.... all i can do is ask him for solutions and help..... very frustrated now.... studies lidat.....friendship lidat.... relationship lidat.....friends l;idat......family oso lidat...... what did i do wrong? y mus all tis cum as if sea waves or sea tides.... one after another....it just wont stop...... how i wish i am a piece of cloud..... floating in e blue sky together with the sun and the star.... so free..... with no worries with no pain no sadness no jealousy... no stress.... just floating in the air......looking at the nice sunrise and sun set.... so free... so calm so warm.... so nice...... but i know that is just a dream.... life is never easy..... there is ups n there is oso bound to be downs..... u can say im lame or whatever but..... its e truth......
T_T
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
is our love so fragile?? u no longer care abt me?? u used vulgararities..... u knw i hate it.... u said...."leave me alone let me n nami be tgt" is that what u really want? i dun believe it.... u mus be under tt witch spell... pls wake up...open ur eyes n see...... thou wad u say hurts me alot but....... ill nt giv up.......u can love any1 except nami......... please......... it really hurts to see u lidat....im tearin apart inside.....yet all u say is wadever, i dun give a damn abt it, heck care abt u. fker...... do u knw how much it hurts? u really dun care?? u realll wanna end evting? jus bcus of her? is that wad u really wan?? mi really a toy to u? for e past few mths is all of them a lie??? aft bearin kids for u...... were u nvr happy b4??? tell me? tell me!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~ idk y....hah....i say ill nvr cry bt tears jus cant stop flowing......its uncontrollable......i really cant believe u will do tis to me............but...........no matter what i still love u........regardless of what u think of me..........take gd care of urself n be happy =D
Its A JoY To LivE FoR HiM =DD
Sunday, April 13, 2008
finally got baptised.... =DD so happy.... now got a new life...... lets live for his glory...AMEN!~
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Don't lose your way With each passing day You've come so far Don't throw it away Live believing Dreams are for weaving Wonders are waiting to start Live your story Faith, hope & glory Hold to the truth in your heart
If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die Dreams see us through to forever Where clouds roll by For you and I
Souls in the wind Must learn how to bend Seek out a star Hold on to the end Valley, mountain There is a fountain Washes our tears all away Words are swaying Someone is praying Please let us come home to stay
If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die Dreams see us through to forever Where clouds roll by For you and I
When we are out there in the dark We'll dream about the sun In the dark we'll feel the light Warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together I know our dreams will never die Dreams see us through to forever As high as souls can fly The clouds roll by For you and I
If only you could see the tears in the world you left behind If only you could heal my heart just one more time Even when I close my eyes There's an image of your face And once again I come I to realise You're a loss I can't replace Soledad It's a keeping for the lonely Since the day that you were gone Why did you leave me Soledad In my heart you were the only And your memory live on Why did you leave me Soledad Walking down the streets of nothingville Where our love was young and free Can't believe just what an empty place It has come to be I would give my life away If it could only be the same Cause I can't still the voice inside of me That is calling out your name Soledad It's a keeping for the lonely Since the day that you were gone Why did you leave me Soledad In my heart you were the only And your memory live on Why did you leave me Soledad Time will never change the things you told me After all we're meant to be love will bring us back to you and me If only you could see Soledad It's a keeping for the lonely Since the day that you were gone Why did you leave me Soledad In my heart you were the only And your memory live on Why did you leave me Soledad
T___________T
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
I'm frightened and left deep down under You left me behind and cast me aside And every moment I would always wonder What I did to make you hate me. I loved you with my whole soul and heart I would do nothing to tear us apart Yet you've disappeared without tellin me, honey why did u abandon and leave me behind? I'm sorry that I didn't seem good for you, somewhere I failed and couldn't pull through; I tried with everything that I did do, I just wish that I could see... the mistake I made... to make you leave...me.
~~
You left me heart broken Without tellin me
You left me there Hurting Like Crazy Endurin Inbearable Pain
You left me with questions Without a single clue
You left me there to cry Tearin my heart into pieces You left me in my time of need I cant believe you didn't know that i would bleed. I Dun Tink You will care that i needed your air anymore Guess you don't need me anymore How come i jus couldn't see
Sry for buggin u all these times Didn't realise i m so fan ren Frm nw on If u wan me dere I will be dere But if u wan me scram I will disappear :DD
Take cares to you Thanks 4 lettin me Knw e feelin of lovin N rem e feelin of hart broken agn ^^
F.O.T [Full Of Tears]
You left me two legacies, A legacy of love That i never had
You left me boundaries of pain Capacious as the sea, Between eternity and time, Your consciousness and me.
Whr R U??!!~~~~
Do U Knw Hw Worried I Am???!!~~~ No Matter Whr I Look, U Are No Longer There..... If Its An April's Fool Day Trick, Den I Tell U.... I Gt Tricked Alr....Dun Play Le..... I Cnt Take It Anymore..... Do U Knw How Scared N Sad I M??!!~~ Before Napfa sms u, u nvr reply....nw aft napfa u still no reply.....
Ni pao qu na li le?wo hen dan xin ni..... wo zuo cuo shen me le ma? yao li kai wo le ma?? ruo guo shi de hua....ye bu yong zhe yang...... gao su wo... wo hui shan de... wo hui zou de..... ni zhi dao ma? wo bei ni xia ku le.... dan shi.....kan lai.....zhe ye bu shi shen me shi le....
wo ku bu ku, ni ye bu hui guan le ba? hahah...wo tai tian zhen le..... yi zhi ren wei.....ni zai wo sheng bian....dan shi xian zai.... ni que bu jian de wu ying wu zhong le..... wo de xin hao tong o... bu zhi wei shen me....hahah.....zhen de hao tong hao tong~~~~ si hu bei shi sui de qian qian wan wan pian....... hao tong hao tong.........
dan shi ye xu mei you ren hui zai hu wo zhe xie dong xi ba.....hahah.....im back to bein a loner agn??!!! hahah.....in e end, i still cnt escape e realm of darknesss.... hahah....i shud admit tt i belong to e dark side.....hah......tcs o....esp u if u r readin...thx 4 lettin me knw hw it feels to be found n lost agn....hahah......
